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by Kitshunette



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: I mean, Jean's POV, M/M, Modern AU, POV First Person, Reincarnation, can be a happy ending, if you have a very strange definition of a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-17
Updated: 2013-11-17
Packaged: 2018-01-01 20:36:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1048310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitshunette/pseuds/Kitshunette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time it happened, I thought that Fate had given me a second chance. Had given us a second chance.<br/>We were in a strange world, a better world. Titans only existed in books and movies. Teenagers weren’t sent to die, screaming, crushed in a Titan’s hand.</p><p>Everything seemed so easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





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**Author's Note:**

> If you see a grammatical or spelling mistake feel free to tell me okay I love you thanks *how English* *sobs*

_R.I.P. Jean Kirschstein, 14th Commander of the Scouting Legion_   
_Hero who took down the last Titan_   
_and saved Humanity_

 

*

The first time it happened, I thought that Fate had given me a second chance. Had given _us_ a second chance.  
We were in a strange world, a better world. Titans only existed in books and movies. Teenagers weren’t sent to die, screaming, crushed in a Titan’s hand ; everything they worried about was about those small things in life we never had the chance to worry about. Tests. Grades. Whether they had enough money to buy a new phone.  
Whether that person they had a crush on loved them back.  
They didn’t have to consider the fact that they might die in the following hours.

Everything seemed so easy.

You were there at the first day of school, a year above me, you showed me around the school because no one else wanted to. I guess even after one (a bit shortened) life, death hadn’t been as merciful as to reset my personality, right ?  
 _Don’t worry, teachers here are really nice and supportive. And of course, you can come to me if you have any question, okay ? Oh, by the way, I totally forgot to introduce myself, I’m Marco Bodt, nice to meet you Jean._  
You were smiling, and you didn’t remember anything.  
It made me happy, how would anyone want to remember that nightmare ?  
You were smiling, and it was everything I needed.  
 _I love you._

You had always been way too smart for me, you bastard. And you were convinced that I had potential to succeed.  
You made me pass my exams.  
You saw even before me that I had been accepted in the same college as you.  
 _What the hell man ?! Are you stalking me or something ?_  
You laughed, and said that you would come to pick me up at the station the next day.  
 _Are you sure I’m not going to make your friends run away from you ?_  
 _What are you saying, if they don’t like my amazing boyfriend then I’m probably hanging out with the wrong people anyway._  
 _Yeah, whatever._  
 _Hey, Jean._  
 _What ?_  
 _…  
Yikes, did you just kiss your phone you fucking degenerate ?! _  
_Haha, won’t you kiss me back?_  
 _What the hell, I’m not kissing my phone you idiot._  
 _Really ?_  
 _No, I won’t._  
 _You are hurting my feelings, Jean._  
 _…_  
 _…_  
 _…_  
 _Hehe, that was a funny smooching sound._  
 _I fucking hate you, you and your freckles._  
 _No, you love me, grumpy ass._  
 _Stop talking to me._  
 _I love you too._  
 _I said –_  
 _Wait, class is starting, see you tomorrow !_  
 _Oh okay, see y-_  
 _[bip bip bip]_

When evening came, I switched the TV on.  
The news said that a brave student at SC Tech saved his comrades and teachers from a madman with a gun by rushing to him and buying enough time for police to intervene.  
The news said that this student was a hero.  
The news said that this student’s name was Marco Bodt.  
The news said that this student saved dozens of life but lost his own.

 

*

The second time, I was afraid. Confused and afraid. What was happening ? I had no idea.  
But you were over there at the Student Council stand, greeting all the nervous freshmen getting ready for their first day of college, offering them coffee and cakes, joking and making them laugh and relax.  
You saw me and smiled at me.  
 _Hello, I’m Marco ! Welcome to SC Tech, what’s your name ?_  
You didn’t remember anything.  
 _I –_  
You didn’t remember me.  
 _Hey, don’t be so nervous ! Everything will be alright, you’ll see._  
Again.  
A new blank page for us to fill again.

And I had nightmares that the page would end soaked in blood.

 _Marco, are you okay ?_  
 _Yeah yeah, don’t worry Jean, it was nothing I –_  
 _You fucking fell in the stairs !_  
 _Yeah I know, I’m sorry –_  
Don’t leave me alone.  
 _I’m alright Jean._  
Don’t leave me behind.  
 _Jean, you’re starting to choke me, haha._  
Stay with me.

I love you.

 

*

It happened again.  
And again and again.  
Pushed in front a train.  
Caught a rare deadly disease on a trip to Africa.  
Fell from a roof.  
Electrocuted during a storm.  
Murdered by a jealous coworker.

 

*

_What do you mean I can’t go to that meeting ?! You know that it’s very important, and I’m not going to get accidentally shot by a cartel killer for God’s sake !_  
 _Marco, listen –_  
 _Anyway what’s wrong with you Jean ? You are worse than my mother, and you can’t forbid me from doing things I want to do just because there’s a hint of danger in it !_  
I’m trying to protect you, why can’t you just understand ?  
 _Why are you like this ? You weren’t like that before…_  
… Before ?  
 _Oh, and guess what ? I don’t care ! Go sulk somewhere if you want, I’m not going to miss my flight tomorrow morning because of you !_  
Marco wait –

It was too late.  
I saw you turning away and disappearing in the dark alleys leading to your apartment.  
I should have followed you.  
It was too late.

They talked about you in the local news.  
The homeless guy who found your robbed body was interviewed and was somehow offered a job shortly after. Guess you still manage to do good things beyond death.  
But I should have followed you.  
I should have taken this knife instead of you.  
I should have –

Yes.  
That was it.

 

*

_Jean, why are you hiding behind the coffee machine ?_   
_Shut up Armin!_   
_Are you hiding from someone ?_   
_I said SHUT UP ! –_

_Armin, are you talking to the coffee machine ?_   
_What ? No I was talking to…_   
_…_   
_…_   
_There’s no one here Armin._   
_… That idiot sure is quick._   
_What did you say ?_   
_Nothing. What were you saying about this big project of yours, Marco ?_

It’s going to be the last time.  
I can’t handle finding you again to lose you after, every single time.  
And I don’t want you to live what I have lived all those times, what I have lived way too often.  
I didn’t even speak to you.  
I’m not sure you even know my name.  
I’m probably just another weirdo your colleagues from the marketing service have to deal with on a daily basis. A face you sometimes see at the dining hall, maybe hovering in the background of your attention.

It’s fine this way.  
It’s better this way.

I followed you.

 _Oh my God, call an ambulance !_  
It doesn’t even hurt anymore.  
 _He – he pushed me… I was going to be hit by that trunk and – and he appeared from nowhere and pushed me out of the way –_  
It’s strange to hear panic in your voice, Marco.  
 _Sir, can you hear me ?_  
Hey, isn’t it a special day today ?  
 _Oh God, Eren, I’m sorry, I can’t come to the party, I know you guys prepared a lot for me but–_  
Oh, yeah, that’s right.  
 _Sir, you shouldn’t move, the ambulance is coming, hang on !_  
 _I’m s- I’m sor –_  
 _Don’t talk, save your energy, help is coming, please…_  
 _I –_

I love you.  
I’m sorry.  
This is going to be the last time.  
Nothing is going to keep you from getting the happiness you deserve now.  
Live.  
Finally.

Happy 30th Birthday, Marco.


End file.
